(Average) Spaceman

Movie in one sentence:
Nightmare spider gives depressed Adam Sandler free therapy lessons.

Movie in more sentences:
An emotionally distant astronaut suddenly loses contact with his wife back on Earth and finds himself losing the little spirit he already had with it. Not long afterwards, an alien spider with a curious amount of interest in his personal life shows himself, and together with him, Jakub explores the reason for his wife's silence and revisits his feelings for her.

When I spotted a clip of this movie, showing off the giant CGI spider, I was not expecting it to be about relationship problems. It was incredibly boring.

People who like artsy stuff are probably able to see something deeper in this, but I wasn't interested. This spider was really nosey and I failed to figure out why he'd waste his valuable time helping out some human, unless he's a figment of the astronaut's imagination, despite what the movie said, but then, why is Jakob seeing an alien spider, of all things? One with his own backstory as well?

I would've liked the movie better if it covered, you know, the spider and his life and quirks. Jakub was the least interesting character, and that's par for the course when you share your scenes with a giant talking animal.

(Average) Vampire in the Garden

Series in one sentence:
What garden?

Series in more sentences:
Momo is tired of the confinement and strict rules of her community and wishes freedom, despite hostile vampires roaming the area.
The queen of vampires finds her and the two are quick to feel drawn to each other. They dream of a world of peace and head out to seek a place where humans and vampires can live together.

My siblings were over, we wanted to watch a quick series, and this was it.

The love (?) story moved so ridiculously fast that you couldn't root for the main characters, and that's a flaw that brings down the entire anime, because the story needs their relationship to be a relationship.
I believed it was pretty well hinted at that the vampire brainwashed the girl, because the fact she did not recognize a man who was -so far I know- truly her uncle, was weird. Weirder yet was how the anime never brought this up again. Momo doesn't take the time to sit down and question if she's indeed been compromised. She just met this pale demon and is already fully devoted to her.

The vampire queen was bland in design and had the worst bangs in the universe, I found it distracting. She wasn't particularly strong, either, and I know she hadn't eaten in a while, but you'd think that royalty amongst supernatural creatures have special traits that helped earn them that position in the first place.
I also didn't understand how her fellow vampires either didn't recognize her as their queen, or treated her casually. For example, why did she have to pay the hotel owner for her stay? She's the fucking queen.

The "true forms" of the vampires were incredibly lame as well, these designs did not reflect their supposedly disgusting and cursed nature. Buffy the Vampire Slayer did it better and didn't have to body morph their characters to do it.

I didn't expect the twist at the end, but it wasn't even that interesting. I don't really understand why this otherwise harmonious community saw the need to sacrifice vampire residents for their benefit; why would any of the vampire residents even agree to that?

In any case, very little in this series intrigued me, would not recommend.