(Average) Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy

NOTE: Stopped watching during episode 19.

Series in one sentence:
Inuyasha the Barbarian Whore Wizard.

Series in more sentences:
Mankind is deemed defective by the goddess Anthrasax, but before she can destroy Earth, she's sealed away. Time passes and humanity rebuilds itself, but a dark army of rebels wishes to take over the world and wants to resurrect this dangerous being for that purpose.

The leader is a powerful sorcerer, taken down by a high priest, who makes sure to track down his reincarnation to lock his true self away. His daughter is tasked to look after the boy, kept around as means of giving them an edge in the battle against evil that's still at large, but Dark Schneider does what he wants, and with "the kiss of of a virgin" as the only means to free and lock him away again, Yoko has an important role to play.

This ended up being a boring, basic story with boring, basic battle scenes that needed charming characters to carry itself. And though the introduction of Schneider raised me off my seat, he turned into a let-down pretty much right away and is the sole reason I can't stand this show.

You wouldn't believe how much of a chore it was to watch this through, and I really wanted to for the sake of this review, but when episode 19 arrived and he started fondling the princess in the presence of two holy men, her royal guards, and her own father, who all totally ignored it, I gave up.
I've struggled through alot of nonsensical semi-porn before this scene even emerged, my patience was tested a little bit more every time, and this was the nail in the coffin.

Don't care that I almost finished the series, I'm not finishing it, the cookiecutter plot isn't worth my attention, so why would I be curious to see how it ends. I know how it ends: Schneider wins and everyone who likes Schneider wins, because no one ever dies in this series and there's always some previously unmentioned ultimate spell or move they pull out of their ass when it matters.. while there's always some crowd narrating the fight.
I'd call the repetitiveness of it all hilarious if I were in a better mood.

"Dark Schneider" is a man who can be funny, but everything about him is ruined by his womanizing behaviour. He is unapologetic in his pursuit of the puss, and that makes every single relationship he has with a woman mean absolutely nothing. Every pretty face he meets he somehow manages to swoon, till the point of them shedding tears for him. How am I supposed to take these crybaby virgins seriously. Please, you just met the guy, you're embarrassing yourself.

I don't know why they worked this hard to make Schneider unlikeable. Perhaps he was made for people who enjoy characters like James Bond. You know, hero characters who sleep with every bombshell they meet, especially enemies. And of course, he's so good in the sack, he immediately turns these enemy babes into allies. 
But Schneider is a dirtbag who won't even keep his hands off the woman he calls his child, and the show kept repeating to a suspicious degree how he and that woman are "father and daughter". But regardless of their connection, how hard is it to back off from people you've known since they were a tiny child..?! Would it have been that hard to write this girl to be the only woman on Earth he doesn't care to molest? Their story arc was torture to sit through, it was clearly an incest fantasy, and I hoped the girl was going to die in their fight, not because I hated her as a character, she could've worked, but because I wanted this side story to forever fucking end and never see Schneider grabbing her tit again. Foul.

What's also foul is the concept of keeping a rapist around as an ally, and having the victim talk to him like he's a friend now. Gara should've gotten his head caved in by Schneider, I could not stand the sight of that man after his introduction episode, but the anime insisted he was a good honorable soldier or some shit. Are you kidding me.
Granted, he didn't star in any other lewd scenes after that, but.. that makes it all even more strange. Why introduce him and his men as a child predator rapists, if he's (apparently) neither and keeps his cool throughout the rest of the series?

Concerning the main girl lead, Yoko, I expected her to stay by Schneider's side to try and keep him on the right path, but she doesn't even appear all that often in the show. And every time she doesn't, Schneider has free reign to fondle or try and bang some stranger, right after proclaiming his devotion to Yoko, because he's genuinely in love with her, but you could've fooled me.
His interactions with her were the best, since she has some form of authority over this otherwise narcissistic madman, and yet, I can't say I liked the way she enforced it. She has no other strategies except putting her hands on her hips and getting violent or threatening him, especially in moments he least deserves it.
Is this how she trained Lucien to stay so uselessly meek? This was really abusive behaviour.

I also don't feel like the show explained what made the high priest think Schneider, their enemy, would be useful to them. It's not like his seal forces him to obey Yoko, he chooses to.

Speaking of Lucien, what is this brat's deal. He's supposed to be 14 (?!!?!) years old, but looks 10 and acts like a braindamaged 3-year-old. I'm not trying to be cute with my description, this is Lucien.
I think the story tried to take the "innocent angel" route with him, but they went too overboard with it. Yoko nearly gets molested in the same room he sleeps in, and he goes back to sleep because she tells him to. I guess it's supposed to be a joke, but him complaining about how tired he is right after she's been kidnapped makes it seem like this is how he is. This boy is low IQ trash, and seemingly the show knows, because he rarely makes an appearance as well.

The anime is a bit of a tonal mess, like plenty of animes are. On the one hand, it tries to be serious, but then inserts uncomfortably lewd scenes or equally out-of-place humoristic moments, and none of it makes for a good overall experience. Every time a joke was made, I needed a second to recognize one was made at all.

Anyway, this was a bad ride. When you start watching, it's alright, but you soon understand the formula and find there's nothing interesting there. Yoko and the princess should've been one and the same character, and it's fine for Schneider to be flirty, but not a molester. His adoptive daughter could've been kept in for that romantic drama, but have Schneider treat her like an actual father would.

If you like bland battles, bad drama amongst people with a non-existent emotional connection, and half-assed pornographic scenes that come out of nowhere, there you go.

I can't believe this is getting a second season.